Barney Goes Gangsta
I’m back on Tumblr after hiatus.
I got bored—really bored—and decided to write a rap inspired by Barney going apeshit on the White House correspondent today.
Just chillin’, thinkin’ bout war goin’ down in Afghanistan and table scraps n’ shit.
Is my mic turned up?
This is for all the bitches in lockup in the kennels in Crawford Tee Ex—special big ups to my main bitch Miss Beazley, yo…
Check it
I be chillin’ with my Kong toy and my Hill’s Science Diet
Tryna step in on my midday walk? Bitch, don’t try it
When you roll up in my crib, check your shit at the door
or I’ll leave a steamin’ present on the Oval Office floor
I’m the illest White House dog, so don’t let my cuteness fool you
Or I’ll one-up “No Child Left Behind” and motherfuckin’ school you
You think Dick Cheney’s psycho? Fool, his tired game is over
I won’t scatter you with bird shot, but I’ll chew your Prada loafer
I gets mad love from the First Lady Laura
She laces me with Beggin’ Strips and beds lined with angora
I got gully canine game, and I see you on my jock
Ease up, or I’ll end you (like the war should in Iraq)
Soon I’m peacin’ out to Crawford where my main bitches stay
‘Til then, press correspondents need to get up out my way
‘Cause I’m motherfuckin’ Barney, and I’m still up in this piece…
…is that a fucking squirrel in the Rose Garden? Nevermind, I’m out. 
My life homie, Willie the cat, and my ol’ lady, Miss Beazley. We straight up ILL on Halloween, yo.
